I was thinking of my dad yesterday and an experience I had when I was 18. I wanted desperately to get out of my small town and nanny in New York City for the summer before I started college. Summer was approaching and I didn’t think it was going to work out when I got a call and, without asking much in the way of questions, accepted the job. I just wanted to go to NYC and didn’t care much about the details. My best friend had also found a job, about a half hour from where I would be living, so I had someone to explore with in the area.
Within a day or so of arriving and getting settled I was a mess. The woman I was nannying for had already interrupted a planned evening out and had many requirements of me which limited my ability to explore or have any free time. I also had no idea how different and strange it would feel to be that far away from my home for the summer. I was miserable and on the phone with my parents nightly, often in tears. After about a week of this my dad did something that surprised me. He told me to come home and that he would pay my airfare and reimburse the family anything they needed reimbursed (they paid for my airfare to NYC). I was surprised because I learned growing up that quitting wasn’t an option. I was miserable because I knew this wasn’t working and I thought my parents would think I was a quitter. The moment he helped me out of this difficult situation is seared in my memory. I remember being on the phone with him in the little bedroom the family had created for me in their basement. I was sad, relieved, grateful and embarrassed. My parents welcomed me home with love and happiness. There weren’t any talks, lectures, or discussions and there was no judgment. Their acceptance of the situation and the love and support they showed me spoke volumes to me - about accepting my decision, moving forward, and not beating myself up with ‘what if’s‘ or feeling like a failure.
Looking back I realized I learned that the message I had received and implanted as a value of ‘not quitting’ wasn’t so black and white. I think my dad wanted me to know that quitting shouldn’t be a go-to, a frequent or an immediate response to difficulties. By helping me out of a difficult situation he taught me so much more - that failure, quitting, whatever I want to call it - is a decision to be made sometimes, not avoided at all costs, and when that choice is made love and support should be freely given - not judgment, blame or ‘I told you so’s’. My dad showed me that love and support always come first and serve our other values.